Another Sidle to the story
by LynnFox
Summary: They worked together side by side. He always thought he had her figured out. But maybe he was wrong. Maybe there is a whole different Sidle to the story. Please R&R! GSR FINISHED!
1. Picture pain

**Another Sidle to the story, Chapter 1**

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**Description: This is a CSI fanfic, all about the geeklove! 

A/N: I don't know how many chapters it will be, depends on the muze! It's my first online fic, so please R&R! Uh... Anything else? Ah sure! Hope you'll enjoy it and forgive me the typo's. English is not my native language, but I tried to do the best I could!

Disclaimer: I do not own Sara, Grissom, Catherine or any of the other characters. They are owned by Anthony Zuiker and his clan! I do not make, nor do I wish to make, any profit through this fanfic. I'm just a fan, and the story below is what I would like to see happen between my two favorite characters!

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_If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don't know what the hell is going on!_

_(One of Murphy's Laws)_

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The girl in the picture was very young, eight at the most. She smiled widely at him, but something in her eyes didn't seem to match that smile. There was pain in those eyes. 

This girl had been through a lot, more then some people went through in a lifetime.

This girl had seen hurt, anger, despair, fear, blood, tears, abuse and death.

This girl had had bruises on her arms and legs on more then one occasion.

This girl had seen worse injuries on others.

Grissom had picked the picture off of the locker-room floor, not realizing who's it was or what it stood for as he did. As soon as he took one glance at the girl in the picture however, he knew who he was looking at. Thirty years hadn't changed the smile, which was still decorated by a small gap between two front teeth.

Judging by the picture, even in her early childhood Sara Sidle had been the queen of hidden emotions.

He had never grasped the whole of the situation. Of course she had told him about her past not too long ago, filling in the blanks on why she would lose her temper every once in a while, and why she had a hard time dealing with cases on domestic violence.

It had always seemed to him as though the years had softened the edges on the harsh memories that were permanently in Sara's mind. She had been very professional more often than not, he had even seen her smile.

Now he realized that if you have seen as much as she had at age eight, you never fully recover. It keeps haunting you for the rest of your life, from the moment you wake up, until the moment you fall asleep.

Your every move and thought is poisoned by the remains of memories from so long ago.

First the agony of dealing with an abusive father day in, day out. Watching him beat the crap out of your mother, who is no longer capable of loving anyone, because she had to shut out all her feelings to endure. Feeling the seering pain as his fists pound into your arms, your legs, your stomach.

Vomiting, bleeding, hunger, an aching body, head to toes. But all he did to you is nothing compared to the things he did to your mother. Twisting her arm to her back until it breaks, slamming her head into the door until she passes out, hitting her so hard in the face you have to cook because she can't see.

Then, the knowledge of your mother being a murderer. The only answer she had to an abusive alcoholic was to grab that knife and stab him. As they are taking your mother into custody, a nice woman, whose name you won't remember afterwards, takes you away.

Years of fostercare. Being swung from one family to the next, not being able to love or be loved. Too painful. Your mother in a mental home. Weekly visits, no more often than that.

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Suddenly Grissom realized someone was standing right behind him. He turned around, and when he saw it was Sara his face turned to a deep crimson color.

"What are you doing with my picture?" she asked with a very sad voice.

"I picked it up off the floor." he replied quietly.

He saw the same look in her eyes that she had when the picture was taken. How could he not have seen that in all the time he'd known her? How could he not have realized what toll her childhood must have taken on her?

As if that weren't enough, she had been through quite a lot as an adult as well. When she had freaked out at a murder suspect, he had only asked her if she was okay. When she had been pulled over for DUI he had taken her home. When she had been attacked only recently he had merely taken her word for it when she had said she was fine.

But Sara Sidle wasn't fine. Sara Sidle hadn't been fine for a long while, maybe not ever.

He handed the picture back to Sara. "You need to talk to me about this."


	2. An unexpected change

Sara closed the door to her locker and left the locker room. It had been hot as hell in Vegas over the last few days and although that wasn't a big surprise, being in the desert and all, the fact amazed her over and over again. The word 'furness' didn't even begin to describe Las Vegas in mid-summer.

It was still early in the morning as she left the CSI building and tried to find her car in the parking lot, not remembering where she had left it. The week had come to an end, and she was about to enjoy her weekend off as much as she could.

She had decided to stay awake today, to get back in the usual day/night rhythm as fast as she could. Sleeping would be a problem anyway because she had had nightmares her entire life, but since the attack at the mental home they had gotten worse.

She had gotten pretty good at putting away the memories of her childhood, but when her throat had almost been slashed, it had all come screaming back to her. When Gris had asked her if she was okay she had said she was and that she wanted to finish the case. He hadn't tried to convince her otherwise.

When she finally found her car she reached for the keys in her purse and immediately realized something was missing: her picture. She always carried a picture of herself as a sort of good luck charm. It had been on the day that the picture was taken that her mother had decided to put a stop to all the pain and suffering that was going on in their family.

It had been the day of the picture, when her mother had stabbed her father to death.

Angry at herself for losing such an important token of her being, Sara quickly walked back to the locker room. She found Grissom squatted in front of her locker, holding the one thing she didn't want anyone to see.

"What are you doing with my picture?" she asked in a very sad voice.

"I picked it up off the floor." he replied quietly.

He handed the picture back to her. "You need to talk to me about this."

"No I don't. Not anymore!" she said, with a hint of anger in her voice.

"I've tried to do so on more than one occasion and you were never there to listen, Grissom. I even tried to talk to you outside of this office, but at my attempt to get you to have dinner with me, you just said 'No!'"

Grissom stared at her and with an empty voice he said: "I thought you wanted to go out with me because you had feelings for me."

"Sure... I mean I did..." Sara said. "But there was more to it than that, and you just dismissed the whole idea."

"I don't feel comfortable sharing meals with co-workers on a one-on-one basis. Especially female co-workers." came his response.

"Really? I seem to recall various dinners, breakfast and other sorts, with Catherine."

"She's different, she is a very close friend."

"Oh you're right, my mistake. So Sofia is a close friend as well?" Sara stated.

Grissom was taken aback by this reply. He hadn't thought about the dinner he and Sofia shared, which he himself had initiated.

"No." he said softly.

"Then how is she different?" Sara asked.

"I don't bond with her as well as I do with you." Grissom answered.

"Bonding? What do you think that is Grissom? I mean... I don't feel free to tell you anything anymore. How can you describe that as bonding well?"

Grissom shrugged. "I guess I didn't want to have dinner with you because I can't relax around you. Sofia doesn't have that influence on me."

"Oh great, so I make you feel tense huh?"

"Well you do!"

Sara sighed. "You know what Gris, never mind. Apparently the other CSI's are more important to you. I used to think you were a guy that didn't differentiate. Guess I was wrong."

"No, you're wrong now. You are very important to me. Not only as a CSI, but as a person." Grissom said.

"It wouldn't hurt you to show it every once in a while."

"I'm trying to now..." Grissom said quietly. "I just don't know how."

Sara stared at him. This was a side of Grissom she hadn't seen before.

"How 'bout I ask you out to dinner and you say yes?"

Grissom's eyes widened. This was not where he was hoping to be headed in the conversation. "I still don't think having dinner is a very good idea."

"Why? Because you still don't know what to do about 'this'?" Sara gestured from herself to Grissom.

"No, because it's too early for dinner. It's not to early for breakfast however!" he replied teasingly.

"Right..."

"So. Do you want regular breakfast, or Catherine breakfast?"

"What the hell is a Catherine breakfast?"

"Any time Cath tells me to buy her breakfast she expects me to cook an omelette for her."

"Omelette sounds good actually. But what about Sara breakfast?"

"Sara breakfast? I'm intrigued!" said Grissom with a wink.

"Breakfast the Sara-way. You'd have to come to my place though!"

Without waiting for an answer, Sara turned around and left the locker room, leaving Grissom perplexed. Grissom thought about it for a minute and then followed her to her car. He had been to her house recently, and nothing weird happened, so what harm could it do?

"Should I take my own car or ride with you?" he said.

"Well... Sara breakfast could take a while, so it might be best if you take care of your own transportation!" she grinned. 


	3. Pancakes and orange juice

A/N: Soo... Part three is up! Please don't forget to R&R, I need your input! Also, let me know if you think my chapters are too short. I keep them this short so I can easily update often. Hope you enjoy reading this next chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! Lynn

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Gil strode to his car. By the time he had gotten in and started the engine, Sara had already left. He knew where she lived and steered the car through the rushhour traffic that filled even the tiniest streets in Vegas. When he arrived at her building she was casually leaning against her car. She was wearing sunglasses and she looked good.

"Ready for Sara breakfast?" she teased.

"Yep!" Gil smiled, and he followed her inside.

Once upstairs she swung the door open. Her apartment seemed a lot happier now than it had a few weeks ago, when Joni Mitchell songs had set the ambiance.

She sat him down at the counter, and grabbed the things she needed from shelves, kitchen cabinets and of course the fridge.

"There was one nice thing about foster homes." she suddenly said. "There was this one where there were six of us. Two boys, four girls including me. Our fostermom was a tall redhaired woman we called 'Miss Daisy', because she loved daisies, and on sunday mornings she used to gather us around the kitchen table and she'd bake lots and lots of pancakes. We'd eat them with butter and maple syrup, and we'd have big glasses of orange juice, which we'd squeezed ourselves, taking turns. That was probably the only good thing, you know. But I cherish it."

Grissom listened in silence.

"Unfortunately, after only a few months there, foster care came and split us all up. Something to do with unpaid taxes. Those were probably the happiest months of my life. The first few months without my brother wetting the bed at night and my mother crying after yet another encounter with my dad's fists. Weird thing is, y'know, my parents ran a B&B, and no one ever noticed. Or maybe they did notice, but they just didn't care enough to do something. Thought we'd figure it out by ourselves."

"I never realized how rough it must've been on you." Grissom admitted softly. "You seem like such a strong woman. Even after you told me about your mother I didn't see how much you were hurt in all of this. Guess I deserve the jackass-of-the-century-award, don't you think?"

"I don't know about that..." Sara hesitated while she was flipping a pancake. "I think emotions just aren't on your radar most of the time."

"Still... You could have used a shoulder..." Grissom said. He felt so guilty about not giving Sara what she needed from him, it almost ate him alive.

"Hmm... At least it would have been a very broad shoulder..." She glanced at his black polo-shirt, covering the topic of their conversation.

Grissom noticed her stare and he blushed. This was exactly why he didn't want to have dinner with her in the first place.

"Tell me more Sara." he said.

"Well... What more is there to tell? Except for the fact that these pancakes are really delicious." she smiled. "Oh by the way. Would you mind squeezing some of those oranges?"

There was just enough space for the two of them in Sara's small kitchen. At least if they tried not to move to much. Sara flipped another pancake, but she tossed it too high in to the air to catch it properly in her pan. She darted backwards, not thinking about the fact that Grissom was standing right behind her.

In a reflex Grissom turned around quickly, spilling orangejuice all over the kitchen floor, Sara and himself, and he caught Sara and the pancake.

"Oh God I'm so sorry!" Sara stammered. "I didn't mean to bump in to you like that and now you're covered in orange juice!"

"So this is what you mean by a Sara breakfast?" Gil asked lightly.

Sara tried to release herself from his arms, but he didn't let her. "Your hair is dripping with it too by the way." He softly wiped some of the juice out of her hair.

Sara gazed into his eyes. Knowing all to well that those feelings that were rushing through her body at the moment were wrong. Very wrong! When his eyes met hers once again, her heart skipped a beat. He had such amazing blue eyes. Her eyes darted from them, to his lips and back. God, those lips seemed so soft!

Slowly Gil dipped his head down and kissed her. He gave her soft little kisses on those beautiful lips of hers, pulling her even closer to him than she already was. Finally he gave her a small kiss on the nose, leaned back and sighed. She looked at him with such vulnerability in her eyes, such love. "I don't want to get hurt by you Sara." he whispered as he closed his eyes. "That is the main reason I've been able to resist you for such a long time. What do you see in me?"

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What will happen next? Was their romantic encounter a one-time-thing or will Grissom finally come to his senses! Watch out for the next chapter of: Another Sidle to the story!


	4. Scars

A/N: And Chapter 4 already! After this one, updates probably won't be daily anymore, but I'll try to update as much as I can. Don't forget to R&R! I need your feedback! Lynn

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"What do I see in you?" she asked in a soft voice. "I don't know exactly. I guess it's a package deal." Gris smiled at the way she described it.

"It's your hands... Although they're masculine they can handle anything with the greatest tenderness and care... Your eyes... They see everything, even things a normal person would miss if it were pointed out to them. And they're incredibly blue by the way... Your brain... You are without a doubt the smartest person I've ever met, and you use your intelligence to do good. And after that little kiss just now, you're lips are definately on the pro-list!"

He pulled her tightly against him. "So, miss Sidle... You think that kiss was good? You've aint seen nothing yet!" he whispered in her ear.

Without a warning he picked her up and lifted her into her bedroom. "Gris, really... I don't think this is a very good idea." Sara said.

Grissom put her down on her bed and sat down next to her. "Maybe your right. We shouldn't..."

"That's not what I mean. I do want you, so bad I couldn't even begin to describe, but there are a few things you don't know about me yet..." Sara stared down at her hands. "I have scars. On my body as well as my heart."

"I know honey." he said.

"I've never told anyone about my scars. I always lied about where I got them."

"You can tell me." Gil wrapped his arms around her.

Sara sighed. She freed herself from his arms and started to pull off her right shoe. Gil immediately noticed the pink scar on the bottom of her foot.

"Cigarette-burn?" he asked softly.

"I burnt dinner, he burnt my foot."

She took off her other shoe and then her trousers. There was a big scar on her knee.

"He was hitting my mum once, and I got so scared I smashed a plate. He came up to me, grabbed one of the pieces and cut me with it. It took him two days before he let me go to ER. He told the nurses and the doctors that I had been running with plates in my hand and that I had tripped and hurt my knee on the shards."

Gil softly touched the scar. "God, sweety... I never knew..."

"There's more." she said sadly, a tear rolling down her face.

She slowly took of her shirt and revealed a very small scar just below her left breast. Gil had no idea what would have made that impression.

"His favorite hitting point." she explained. "Belts, fists, rings, sticks. Always across my heart."

Gil's eyes widened. Sara's father had not only hit her, but he had abused her mentally as well. Sara broke into tears.

For the very first time Gil comforted her. Not just by holding her hand, or saying something to make it better, but by wrapping his arms around her, holding her and kissing her forehead. At this moment he didn't care about anything in the world except for Sara.

Sara looked up at him and tried to kiss him, but he didn't let her.

"I don't want to take advantage of you." he said as he looked into her dark brown eyes.

"You won't!" she tried.

"If you really want it, there will be a time when you and I get together. But not now sweety, not like this." he said to her in a soft voice.

"I guess you're right. I'm tired anyway. Damn it, and I was planning to stay up all day!"

"Get some sleep Sara." Gil eyed her with concern.

"But I don't want you to go..."

"What would you say about dinner tonight. My place at around 7?"

Sara smiled. "That does sound good actually."

"Then it's a date." He stood up and headed for the door. "A real date!" he added.


	5. Who needs food anyway?

Sara woke up at six. "Damn, I overslept!" she said to herself with an angry voice. She got up quickly and took a shower. It took her half an hour to get dressed and she left her home at 6:30, leaving it in one big mess.

At seven, she pulled up in front of Grissom's town house. She was a bit nervous. What if he had decided he didn't want all this after all? It had taken him a very long time to even share a meal alone with her -although getting covered in o/j probably didn't count as a meal- and he had made it clear to her on more then one occasion that he didn't want a relationship of any kind with her.

She hesitated whether or not to go through with the dinner, when she noticed Grissom looking at her through the window. They smiled at each other. Sara picked her purse off of the backseat and got out of the car.

When she got to the door, Grissom had already opened it. "Hey!" he said.

He took a step back to let her in. "I would take your coat, except for the fact that you're not wearing one."

Sara smiled. "Thanks anyway!"

Grissom caught her stare and held it, not saying anything. It made her uncomfortable. Not knowing what to do she smiled nervously. "Uhm... So.. You cooked?"

"Yes I did. Vegetarian of course!"

He'd remembered! She sighed in relief.

"You didn't think I'd forget, did you?"

"To be honest, I kind of did..." she said.

Grissom took her hand. "Come with me! I want your opinion! It's hard to cook a decent vegetarian meal, you know..."

She followed him to his kitchen, which was about four times the size of hers.

"As you can see, no pancakes for you to toss around." he teased.

Sara nudged him in the ribs with her left elbow. In a response he grabbed her arms and pulled her towards him. "What was the purpose of that Miss Sidle?" he asked, his mouth dangerously close to hers. "The purpose was to shut you up. It obviously didn't work. I have one other way of shutting you up though." She kissed him fiercly on his mouth, half expecting him to pull back.

He didn't. He let go of her arms and let his hands stroke the back of her neck. Sara put her arms around his waist and pulled herself as close against him as she could. Her lips were cold, which she recognized as a sign of her excitement.

She didn't need a sign from him. He was obviously as turned on by this as she was. Their lips parted slightly and she let his tongue explore hers. She was intensely aware of his scent. It was sweet and spicy at the same time. The smell of a strong man who was wearing cologne and had just been cooking. She sucked his bottomlip softly and heared him groan.

Grissom lifted her and she wrapped her legs around his waist. "So I guess we'll skip dinner then?" she whispered in his ear. In a response, Grissom carried her to the kitchen, turned of the stove and set her down. "I don't want to fall down the stairs with you in an attempt to act young and strong." he said.

She followed him to his bedroom. She'd never been here and she was amazed at how cosy it was. She heard him close the door and she turned around to face him. Before she new it, she was back in his arms being kissed more tenderly than she had been kissed in her entire life.

A few backwards steps were enough to get her to the bed. She unbuttoned his shirt and shifted her mouth to his jaw, his neck, his collarbone and even further south. Her soft lips found one of his nipples and just couldn't stay away from it. Vaguely aware of the fact that Grissom was trying to take her shirt of she paused to pull it over her head.

Grissom gently pushed her down on the bed and leaned over her using his forearms for support. "I've never realized how much I really wanted to be with you." Grissom whispered in between kisses. "You are so beautiful Sara."

When Sara woke up, she had no idea where she was and how she'd gotten there. She heard a distant rambling of pots and pans and decided to open her eyes. After letting her eyes adjust to the light, she realized she was in Gil's bedroom.

One of his shirts was draped over the back of a chair, and because she didn't feel like searching for her own clothes, she decided to pull it on.

When she walked in to the kitchen she saw Grissom baking pancakes and making orange juice. She smiled at the fact that he apparently had found it important enough to give her a Sara breakfast.

Gil turned around and a big smile spread across his face. Sara couln't help noticing the twinkle in his eyes. It was something she hadn't seen before. It made his eyes ever more beautiful and hard to resist. She returned his smile with one of her own.

"Good morning beautiful!" Gil said, taking in her appearance. "Interesting choice of wardrobe!"

Sara blushed. "If it's not okay I can go change... I just grabbed this from a chair..."

"No that's okay." He nodded. "Sit down, please. Pancake?"

"You're so sweet you know that?" She said, as she lowered herself on one of the stools at the breakfast bar.

Now it was his turn to blush. Sara had noticed he did that quite frequently when she complimented him on something.

"Hmmm! Good!" Sara mumbled with her mouth full of pancake.

Grissom smiled at her. "I can make one with cheese if you like?"

"Cheese?"

A wide grin spread across Grissom's face as he laid two pieces of cheese in the pan and dumped a load of pancake-mix on it.

Sara thouroughly enjoyed the cheese-pancake -and the look on Grissom's face as he watched her eat it- and after two glasses of o/j she got up and started to do the dishes.

Grissom sat at the breakfast bar taking in her every movement. She looked great in his shirt, with her long tanned legs sticking out from underneath them. He knew she would even look better without it and he wondered what it would take to convince her to take it off.

Sara noticed his stare and chuckled. "Enjoying the view?" As though she had read his mind she walked up to him and pulled the black shirt over her head. Grissom was surprised to find that she wasn't wearing anything else. He slid his hands up and down her sides, from her breasts to her hips and he kissed her on her belly.

Before they knew what had happened they found themselves consuming their love upon the breakfast bar. Sara hadn't thought Grissom capable of such rawness and spontaneousness but she enjoyed it very much. His strong arms were wrapped around her as though he was planning on never letting her go.

Sara felt a warm sensation rush through her body and she noticed it was shortly followed by a hot flow in her lower parts.

"Oh SHIT!" she suddenly said. 


	6. Exit Kmart!

A/N Hey! Already my 6th chapter! Going good. I would like to thank the reviewers, please keep it coming. You're never through learning! Sorry this took a while. I have tried to upload it sooner, but it didn't work. And then there was a short break for me (lots of swimming and horsebackriding, no TV, no PC) so... But well... Here it is!

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Grissom's eyes flung open and he had a confused look in his eyes. Sara got off of him as quickly as she could.

"Griss! We forgot protection!" She gasped, eyes widened with fear.

Grissom blankly stared at her with his mouth agape. Then he looked down at himself to realize that she was right. He had been so caught up in the moment that he hadn't thought of a condom. He looked up into Sara's panicking face. He grabbed her hands firmly and looked her deep in the eyes.

"Sara, honey, listen. I'm SO sorry I forgot to..."

"No Griss, it was my fault too! I know you don't want... I mean... You're not the type to... See I always knew that! I... I should have remembered!"

"Relax sweety. Take a shower, get dressed. If you want we could get the morning after pill."

'If **_I_** want? Doesn't he want that?' Sara thought when she was in the shower. The hot water gave her some time to clear her mind from clouded thoughts. When she got out of the shower she knew exactly what she was going to say to Grissom.

She found him sitting on the couch in his living room, his feet perched upon his coffee table. "Hey!" she said softly. He looked up at her and smiled. "Hi."

Sara sat down on the coffee table and looked at him. "Listen Griss..." she sighed. "I know it is also my fault that we didn't use... You know. And I'm not on birthconrol pills either. But I have a reason for that."

Grissom merely nodded to urge her to go on.

"I get migraine attacks from the hormones in them and the migraine causes me to have nightmares. Uhm..." Sara didn't really know how to continue. "I am just too afraid for uh... You know... for another heavy attack if I get the morning after pill..." she looked down at her hands. "I don't think I could handle..."

Grissom suddenly felt so sorry for her. He pulled her onto his lap and into his arms. "Sara... It's okay. It's not even sure that you will be pregnant by this slip-up. We'll cross that bridge when we get there." he said.

A small smile played around Sara's mouth. She hadn't expected him to be this understanding and frankly she wanted to know what made him so relaxed with the whole idea of her carrying his baby. "So what do you want to do today?" Grissom asked.

"Actually, I need to go home and clean up. Somehow my whole kitchen looks like WW III broke loose. And I need to get some groceries as well, my fridge is as empty as a church on a saturday night!" she grinned.

"Okay... So I see you at work tonight?" he said with a hint of disappointment in his voice.

"Yeah..."

Sara got up off his lap and retrieved her purse from the kitchen, where she had left it the night before when he had swept her off her feet -literally- and carried her to his bedroom. Grissom followed her to the front door. He gave her a deep and tender kiss.

When Sara was about to step out the door he said "Best if we not mention any of this to anyone at work."

"Sure." Sara nodded.

She gave him a quick kiss goodbye and headed to her car. She felt Grissom was watching her pull out of the driveway and looked around briefly. She smiled.

When she got home the first thing she did was clean up the big sticky mixture of o/j and pancake-goo that covered her kitchen. After she was done she took her second shower of the day and proceded to clean up the clothing mess in her bedroom. She dressed in a light blue pair of jeans and a red blouse.

It had been a long time since Sara had been with someone and she was pretty sure the same was true for Grissom. The fact that he had finally allowed her to get close to him gave her confidence a very big boost.

She went down to the closest K-mart and bought a cart full of groceries: Beer, coffee, potato-chips, ice cream, potatoes, lettuce, eggplants, and lots of non-meat products. When she turned into one of the aisles she saw the one person she really DIDN'T want to run into on her off-time: Ecklie!

For a split second she thought about turning around, but he had already seen her. "Miss Sidle... Well well..." he said, as if catching her red-handed while she was on a shoplifting spree. "Ecklie..." She merely acknowledged his precense, hoping it would be enough to end the conversation before it had started. Tough luck.

"I didn't know you were a K-mart kind-of-person yourself!" he stated.

_Not anymore I'm not!_

"Yeah.. It's close to home, so occasionally I do come here."

"Good..."

He was checking out her shopping cart, not really listening to the things she was saying.

"No meat huh? I wouldn't have taken you for a vegetarian!"

"You know what they say about assuming things Ecklie... It's not accurate. Let the evidence speak for itself."

"Ah!" he grinned. "A Grissomism! You seem to take his advice very seriously."

"He is my supervisor." Sara sensed the direction in which this conversation was headed and she was not at all pleased.

"Ah, come on. We both know he's more!" Ecklie winked.

_That wink is something I don't want to see ever again! He's right though. Grissom is more, much more._

"I honestly have no idea what you're talking about Ecklie. Anyway. I have to hurry. Need to get some sleep before shift." Sara quickly ended the conversation. Before Ecklie had a time to argue she had wheeled her cart around, and with a short 'Seeya!' she was gone.

Relieved to be able to get away from the ass-kissing creep of a man she paid for her groceries, steered her cart towards her Denali.

The button on her answering machine blinked when Sara got home and she wondered who would leave a message and not call her on her cellphone instead.

She pushed the button.

"Hey it's me..." Sara's eyes widened. She had immediately recognized the male voice.

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Soooo who will it be? All bets are on. I know the outcome already. See if you can guess my line of thoughts ;-) 


	7. Creep Crawls

A/N: Wondering who's voice it was on the answering machine dontcha? Well, I have to be honest... I had absolutely no idea myself. When I was writing it I was thinking about Sara's brother, but since I don't know anything about him I decided to skip that thought. So... Still making up who it is, I'll start writing my seventh chap now. Enjoy! And PLEASE do not forget to R&R! I'm just a simple Dutch girl, so I NEED the feedback on my English at the least!

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Sara was shocked to recognize the voice on her answering machine as Ecklie's. Bet y'all didn't saw that coming ;-) _What the hell was he thinking calling her at home, on her day off? How did he get her number in the first place. That creep probably went through her file for this_.

"I enjoyed our little encounter at the K-mart just now..." _Man, this guy was FAST, she had only left there half an hour ago!_ "... and I thought maybe we could do it again sometime." _Yuck!_ "So hey, give me a call, or just visit me in my office. -BEEP-"

Sara shuddered. _Running in to Ecklie wasn't enough? Now he wanted to 'do it again'?_ At the moment she was clueless on what to do about this. She definately wanted to tell Ecklie to take a hike and not return, but he was her boss. Should she go over his head? Should she tell Grissom?

Gris was more then her boss now. He finally had given her a piece of what she'd dreamed about since the first time she laid eyes on him. They weren't there yet though. He had given her his body, but she needed his mind.

She got into bed to get at least a few hours of sleep before her shift. She needed to be fresh and sharp in order to be able to nail those perps!

She almost overslept _-two times in a row, what was wrong with her?-_ and she rushed to take a shower, grab a very quick bite to eat and head off to the lab.

This was going to be a bit awkward. Things were different now. Grissom was not only her supervisor, but also her lover. She knew he was going to be very professional about it and so would he expect her to be. She was goodat professionalism, but this was different, this was Grissom.

She couldn't wait to be alone with him. Not to do what they had done so well twice now, but to talk to him. She wanted to tell him about Ecklie, about her day. She wanted to just spend time with him for a while.

_Lying on the couch, legs entwined. Something like that. Just time._

She parked her Denali in it's usual spot, and walked in to the lab.

_Please don't let me run in to Ecklie, please don't let me run in to Ecklie, please don't let... FUCK IT!_

"Sara!" The emphasis on the first syllable and the way he seemed to stretch out her name over too much time told her this meeting was well planned and waited for on his side.

"Ecklie." She stated as she had done at K-mart.

She couldn't wait to get away from this guy. She was not, nor had she ever been, interested in anything he had to say, let alone in him as a person.

One might think she simply had a thing for older men. Searching a father figure as she had lost hers at such a young age, but that was not it. Grissom just happened to be fifteen years older than her, which could -and had- obviously bring some trouble in a relationship, but it was just Grissom, and not this creep.

"Uh... Listen I was wondering if you heard my message..."

_This guy really had NO clue about women or he would have picked up onmy-very evident-icy glare_.

"Yes I heard it, and I don't appreciate you calling me at home."

"I'm sorry, I'll call your cellphone next time." he winked.

"There won't be a next time Conrad!" A deep booming voice sounded from behind her. A voice that Sara immediately recognized as Grissom's.

"Gil, this is something between Sara and myself." Ecklies eyes shot fire.

"No it is not. At the risk of being misunderstood for some hero -which I know Sara doesn't need, she is perfectly capable of handling her own business- she is your subordinate and I believe somebody around here has a problem with bosses and employers mingling. Isn't that right Conrad?"

"We're just having a conversation!" Ecklie stated. "And in case you forgot, I am YOUR superior Gil. I own you, you know..."

"He called me at home." Sara told Grissom. "Ran into him at K-mart this morning..."

"I think the lady doesn't like the attention Conrad." Grissom looked at Sara. "Unless I'm mistaken?" he sent a small wink her way.

"Not a bit!" A smile flickered across his lips. She turned around to face Ecklie again.

"If you try to contact me about anything that isn't work related I'll file an assault complaint. Good evening."

Sara proceeded to the locker room, leaving Ecklie dumbfounded in the hall. She hadn't paid attention to any onlookers, but she was sure there had been some. This could have consequences for her career.

"You okay?"

Sara hadn't heard Grissom come in.

"Fine... Thanks for saving the day." She answered bitterly, not for being mad at him, but at the situation.

He misread her intentions.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come off all bossy and possesive or anything. It's not like were... Uh... In a relationship or anything."

His words hit her like a sledgehammer. _Not in a relationship. Well... Surelywe hadn't talked about it yet, but what did he think last night and this morning meant to me?I'm notsome kind of slut that just sleeps around with whoever was available._ She bit her tongue to prevent from crying and spitting out things she knew would drive him even further behind his wall...

"I guess we're not."

_Don't ask him what you are... It's THE question! He isn't ready_.

"I do want you to know that it meant..."

Sara was interrupted by Cath barging in.

"Hey guys! Heard about the whole Ecklie thing just now. Perfect ending to a perfect shift." She rolled her eyes.

Sara glared at her. Didn't this woman have any radar on 'moments'?

"Uh yeah. Well... It's nothing." Sara stammered.

"Taken care of." Grissom simply stated. "Time to get to work. Goodnight Cath. Sara, we'll talk in my office later." He turned around and left the locker room.

Sara put her jacket in her locker, bid Cath goodnight and went in search of some coffee.

* * *

I'm having a **very** hard time writing this story. I think it's worse than labor even ;-) I need your feedback, I need your dreams for this story, I indeed DO need your critisism.

I hope to get another chapter up soon, but I'm kind of stuck. I do have a fresh idea for another fic however, so if this really doesn't work for a while I'll maybe post another.

Lynn


	8. Sharing

A/N: I think I'm over the worst of my writersblock. Even got a review this time, great! 

CJ Lauren: The oversleeping thing has nothing to do with whether or not Sara's pregnant. (The first time she overslept was before she and Grissom got together). I'd like to think she finally has the peace for a good nights sleep, due to the fact that Grissom finally allowed her to fully open up to her. (And the kiss might have helped).

On with the story!

* * *

A few weeks had passed and Sara became frustrated. Grissom had taken this 'best if we not mention anything' a little too serious for her likings. Every time she tried to bring up the subject of 'them' he reminded her that they weren't to talk about it at work. But work whas all they seemed to do.

She had lost het appetite for evidence somewhere between their romance and the point they were at now. Work didn't seem as important to her. She wanted to do it best she could, but it wasn't her life anymore.

Her nights in bed used to be spent with her wondering what Grissom would taste like, feel like, love like. She knew that now, that he was tender as she had expected him to be, but passionate, which had surprised her a little bit.

He had always seem so in control to her. While lovemaking he wasn't. He did have good body control -mind you- but it seemed he simply couldn't keep himself from touching her, loving her, once the game started.

Her nights now were filled with other thoughts. Thoughts about the world, about the future. Whenever she realized there was so many injustice, danger and confusion in the world she would cry her eyes out.

_What the hell is wrong with me? What happened to the strong me? I thought I would be the happiest woman in the world after Grissom and I... But I'm not! I'm miserable! I just need to talk to him. Need to know why we haven't used every minute we could to be together._

She got up from the break room table and walked towards his office. She could see him through the glass wall, just sitting there, going over files like he always had and always would.

He looked up, already having heard her footsteps.

"Sara." He said with that soft and tender voice that she loved so much.

"We need to talk." She quickly said, not allowing herself to dwell on the soft soundwaves in that voice of his.

"About the case I presume?" He gave her a warning look.

"No Gris. Damn.. You know about what. You can't do this to me! Giving me what you think I need and then just taking it all away. A few weeks ago you were all heroic and possesive. You practically peeed all over me marking your territory. You followed me to the breakroom, said you wanted to talk to me in your office and that was it!"

"Sara..."

"Not finished yet!" She was aware of her eyes shooting fire at him. "I came down here then, expecting some kind of comforting, or even a mere acknowledgement of the fact that I meant more to you than just another employee. But within one day, ONE DAY Grissom, you had retreated behind that wall of yours and I couldn't get through again! Didn't that night -or the morning for that matter- mean anything to you?"

"You know it did."

"Then why Grissom? Why!"

Sara wasn't even sure she wanted to know. Well, she did want to know, but she still was afraid of getting hurt.

"I was afraid Sara! Those feelings I had when you and I were making love..." _Did he just say LOVE?_ "... they were something I haven't felt ever before. I don't know how to handle that! I don't know what to do about that. How am I supposed to act around you? And I'm just, scared of getting hurt. I know you'll find someone else eventually and where does that leave me?"

"You're even dumber than I took you for aren't you? I have waited for you for years Grissom! Sure, I have had my bad moments in which I searched for love and value from someone else. You made me want to give up on you. You treated me like trash! And still... We're here. Because you seem to do the right thing at the right time over and over again. I threaten to resign, you send me an orchid, convincing me that your heart is not _just_ a blood pump. I almost get fired for blowing up at Ecklie and you come around wanting to know the reason for it. You were the best sex I ever had. Because it -to me anyway- was the first time I made love in stead of just getting laid!"

Grissom whimpered at the 'getting laid' part, hoping no one had heard her. He hung his head.

"It's just. I need time. This is all new to me."

"It's new to me too." Sara simply stated.

"I know, but you're better at it than me. You can feel, you have emotions. I haven't had emotions in a very long time. Wouldn't allow myself."

"I'm not going to wait forever. I wish I could, but I can't."

Sara headed for the door.

"Sara..." She turned around.

"I just wondered uh..." Grissoms cheeks flushed.

_God he's cute_.

"About that morning you know... And we forgot... So uh.. Do you know anything yet?" He stammered.

"Had my period."

"Good..."

Sara left his office.

* * *

Okay so maybe this chapter was a little short, but at least I had no trouble whatsoever writing it! It came to me quite easily. Sorry for those of you that wanted Sara to be pregnant. We'll see about that... Lynn PS. R&R people! 


	9. Shocklate

A/N: Back! Thanks everybody for reviewing! They pushed me to move this story forward. I'm sorry if this chapter is confusing, but it does happen! Okay, wondering what the fck I'm talking about? Just read on...

* * *

A few more weeks had passed. Weeks in which Grissom had slowly become more friendly towards Sara again. They had come to a silent understanding: He needed time and she would give it. He would turn around eventually, he had made a promise that he would. Time was all it would take.

Sara felt like nothing was going on in her life, waiting for the man she loved once again had brought matters to a screeching halt. She didn't know how much more of this she could take. She was craving to be near him again.

Of course there was work. And the subject of Ecklie who every once in a while felt the urge to drop subtile hints about his opinion on her, not to stop until a flash of rage shot from her eyes to his as a warning of what she was capable of.

Grissom still felt protective of Sara, although she had told him she was perfectly capable of handling het own business. He had agreed to the fact that he wouldn't be territorial until he had earned it.

He had made sure he didn't share too many cases with Sara. It would be too hard to focus on evidence with her by his side. It had been that way for years, but now that he had a slight taste of what life could be like with her he wanted more.

He knew he should wait however. If he rushed into this any more than he already had there would be too much a chance of him getting hurt. He wanted to grow accustomed to the idea of a woman in his life.

Luckily Sara hadn't been pregnant from their slipup. He still couldn't believe the fact that he had let it happen. Well, he **could** believe it, because she had looked incredibly gorgeous and sexy and -dare he even think it?- hot that morning. Every once in a while his mind wandered to that morning. Sara on his breakfastbar. He was surprised he had ever done it in some place other than the bed. He had thought he was too old, but Sara had awoken this raw masculine side of him.

He'd have to admit he was a little proud.

A small knock on the door brought him back to reality. Sara stood in the doorway, face pale.

"You don't look to good." He said.

"Thanks!" She snapped. "You don't look like Brad Pitt yourself you know!"

Grissom was taken aback by her response. She obviously wasn't feeling well.

"I'm just worried. Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine." She said, staring down at her hands.

"You don't look it."

"Stop worrying Grissom, everything is okay."

"So why did you come to my office?" He asked carefully.

"I uh... Need to talk to you I guess."

Grissom wasn't really looking forward to a conversation on the ins and outs of their relationship, if you could even call it a relationship at this point, but he knew it was inevitable. He had kept her waiting too long already.

He hung his head and nodded.

"I need to know where you stand in this Gil."

He lifted his head quickly as he noticed her using his first name.

"I think I want to try. I know I want to try. I miss you. But the general idea of a relationship scares me a little. Work will always be very important to me."

"There is something I need to tell you." Sara seemed even paler than she did when she first came in. She rubbed the palms of her hands on her pants nervously.

"I think I might be..."

She swallowed, a single tear leaving her eye.

"Sara honey, you can tell me."

"I'm pregnant."

His eyes widened in shock and the color drained from his face so quickly Sara half-expected him to faint.

"That's impossible!" He gasped.

"You told me you... That you had..." He shook his head wildly in confusion. "You can't be! Can you?"

Sara silently nodded.

"But you told me..." Grissom cried out.

"Evidently you can have what looks like a period, but it's actually the egg implanting in the uterus. I had cramps and all... I really thought I... Gris I'm **so** sorry."

Grissom stared from her face to her abdomen in astonishment.  
She was carrying his baby. This couldn't be happening. He only just decided he was ready to give their relationship a try. A child was not in that picture.

"How did you find out?" He whispered.

"I started eating lots and lots of chocolate. I've never been much of a chocolate-person myself especially after the death of that famous poker player..."

"Lead."

"Right. So now I started eating at least five Mars-bars a day. I started feeling a bit weird, but happy at the same time, for no reason. And I started becoming depressed at night, thinking about the world..."

Grissom stared at her in silence for almost five minutes.

"Okay..." He finaly said slowly. "I'll look up a list of abortion clinics in the area and we could just..."

Grissom had not seen Sara this mad for as long as he'd known her. If a look could kill CSIs would definately be processing his body very soon.

"**Abortion**!" She roared. "This is** life** we are talking about Grissom! It's not a bag of groceries you can just return! It's been six weeks since this little thing was conceived! You know when the heart starts beating?"

Grissom shook his head.

"About three weeks after conception!" She said.

"I told you once I could never kill another human being, you even know why, and you suggest something like this? It's murder!"

"Actually it's women who once strode to be the boss of their belly and to open abortion clinics..." He stated.

"Well... I'll be boss of **my** belly and this little thing that's growing inside me! It stays in, Grissom!"

She got up out of her chair and raced towards the door.

"Sara!" Grissom yelled. But it was too late. She was already gone.

He felt tears prick the back of his eyes. He felt sorry for her, and for him, and for that baby. A tear ran down his face, which he had burried in his hands. What was he going to do?

* * *

Sorry for those of you who couldn't take more of the angst, there is going to be more. After all, this is Grissom and I'm trying to stay true to his character... Love, Lynn PS. Chapter 10 will be up verrry shortly because I have already finished it! 


	10. Guitars and Giving up

A/N: This is about half the length of the previous chapter, but I needed a good cliff-hanger so... Enjoy! Lynn

* * *

After composing himself he went looking for Sara in the breakroom. The only person he found there was Greg.

"Have you seen Sara?"

Greg swallowed his coffee.

"Just left, something about a guy named Ed Roman or something? She seemed upset."

"Ed Roman?" Grissom raised his eyebrows. He had never heard her mention that name. Grissom looked in the phone book, not sure what he was hoping to find.

"Ed Roman..." He mumbled to himself when he found what he was looking for. "Would she?" He turned around.

"Greg, I'll be gone for a while. Cell is off."

"Where you going?"

"Industrial Road." Grissom shortly answered before quickly walking to the parking lot.

He found her in a music store, softly strumming the strings of the guitar that was resting against her belly.

"I didn't know you played the guitar..."

"I don't." It came out harsh.

She was playing a song Grissom didn't recognize.

"You're good."

"Thank you." She didn't seem interested at all.

"What is this song called?"

"Leave me alone." She said.

"No we have to talk about this."

"The song is called 'Leave me alone'. It's by an Irish band called The Corrs."

"I see."

She stopped to look at him. "My father taught me how to play. He used to play every night and I simply watched him go at it. God forbid he was disturbed. Hell would break loose."

Grissom shivered.

"One night I asked him if he could teach me. He beat me for talking during his songs. But next day he started teaching me. When he died... I don't play anymore."

She stroked the chords once more, concentrating on the sounds she was producing. Grissom recognized the melody, it was a lullaby.

"Listen..." He said softly. "I didn't mean to upset you." He gestured at her stomach. "This just doesn't make it any easier for me."

"It should." Sara answered in a sad tone.

"I know it should, it just doesn't." Grissom sighed.

"But think about it Sara! I would be a terrible father. I'll push to hard, or I won't spend enough time with it."

"You'll be a great father. I remember how upset you were when you were working the Anderson case. When you found that baby?"

She had stopped playing again and looked at him.

"You love kids Grissom, I know that."

He stared at her blankly.

"What if I end up leaving like my father did?"

Sara could here the slight quiver in his voice, alerting him to the fact that this was an emotional issue.

"You told me a while ago that you don't think there is a murder-gene. I don't believe there is a leaving-gene, do you?"

Grissom just stared at his hands. After a while he spoke.

"This baby doesn't know me yet. It doesn't need me."

"What about me?" Sara had put the guitar down and had subconsiously crossed her armes in front of her chest.

"What do you mean?" Grissom asked.

"What if I need you?"

Sara immediately regretted the question. Grissom said he wasn't ready to change his life. Telling him she needed him wouldn't make matters easier.

"Need?" He managed.

"Well... There will be the matters of a nursery, sonograms and of course labor. I can't do that alone Grissom!"

"Maybe a friend could help you out?" His face had gone red and he could barely speak, the subject suffocating him.

"A friend could help me out!" Sara echoed. "I don't have any friends Grissom! You of all people should know that! I live to work! I don't have anything else! My father is dead, my mother is in a mental home! NOTHING GRISSOM!"

Sara broke down in tears. Grissom hated the fact that he had hurt her like this. He just couldn't be there with her. Not yet. He needed time.

"I'm sorry Sara." He whispered.

He walked to the exit to look back one more time at Sara, sitting there clutching her stomach with her arms crossed and her eyes closed, tears streaming down her face.

"I'm sorry..."

TBC

* * *

Are y'all still breathing? Because CPR is hard to perform though internet. I promise things will look better... Sometime... 


	11. Reality Check

A/N: I'm sorry it took me a while to update. We recently got the keys to our new apartment, so at the moment I spend my days painting in stead of writing. Here's another chapter though! Hope you like it! ;-)

* * *

Grissom knew he had screwed up. Big time. He knew that this was probably the last nudge their relationship needed to be pushed down the cliff. He hadn't meant to sound insensitive when proposing an abortion four weeks ago. He just hadn't thought it through that much. 

He never considered himself to be father-material. He came out of a broken home, work was his life, and there was of course the subject of otosclerosis, which was probably hereditary. He simply wouldn't put a child through what he went trough. The fear of losing your hearing. He for one loved music, and apparently so did Sara. If they were to have kids they'd probably like music as well, but maybe one day they wouldn't be able to enjoy it anymore.

He knew at this point he should give Sara a little time. He could understand she wanted to keep the baby even if it hadn't been the plan to get pregnant in the first place. She would be perfectly capable of raising a child, hormones started to race as soon as she got pregnant, and she was already in her mid-thirties, so time might be an issue too.

_Don't be insane Gil! Even if she were a good ten years younger and had had a lot less money to support her -**our**- baby she would have wanted to keep it. She meant what she said about not being able to kill another human being and you have to agree that although she isn't very far along in her pregnancy the foetus is already alive_.

Somewhere in a far corner of his heart he even felt a little proud. Proud of himself, because he had proven he had good sperm, and definately proud of Sara, for being able to go through the morning sickness _did she have any?_ and for refusing to let him decide about the fate of their baby. She was right, it** was** after all her belly in which that little creature was growing.

Suddenly it hit him. He was going to be a father!

Whether he wanted to or not, he would always be at least genetically linked to that baby. It would always be half his. His input had decided whether it was going to be a boy or a girl, he realized.

This would link him and Sara for eternity. They had shared their genes and from that mix a wonderful little person would grow. There was at least a fifty percent chance that their child would have its mother's beautiful chocolate eyes.

He had always thought Sara was the most gorgeous woman in the world. If he was to have a daughter Sara would go to second place. He loved Sara with all his heart, but he would love their child even more.

_But it would mean commitment for the rest of your life. Work can never come first anymore. Yeah? Well it's about time!_

Grissom decided there and then that he was going to be a daddy. He wasn't sure yet about a relationship with Sara. He knew deep down he wanted to, but he wasn't sure she'd let him.

Sara had realized much earlier that it was a great thing to be able to have a child. You can decide you want children, but you can't decide to have them.

He got up from his chair, realising he had been sitting there for over two hours without getting any paperwork done. He had been avoiding Sara ever since their encounter at the musicstore. He had paired her with either Sofia or Greg. He was positive they wouldn't have been able to get any work done when working together.

The others, including swingshift had of course noticed something was off. You could cut the tension with a knife, a spoon might even do it.

He found Sara in the breakroom.

"Hey." He said.

She looked up at him with that dark look in her eyes.

"Grissom." She said coldly.

"Can we talk?"

"No."

"Come on. I'll buy you a cup of tea." He said.

She lifted up her cup.

"Got tea right here!" She said bitterly.

"Donut then?" He tried.

"Not hungry."

Grissom sighed. He didn't blame her one bit for her attitude. She had every right to be mad at him. He wasn't sure who was more angry with him. Sara, or him.

"I want to talk with you and I think it's best if we do it outside the office. I understand you're mad at me but I need for you to hear this."

"I'm not a slight bit interested in what you have to say anymore. I used to think things would get better. There were times when I thought there would come a moment when you wouldn't hurt me anymore with the things you say. I thought that moment had come when we... You know..."

He nodded in silence.

"But I was wrong. I was dead wrong! Really Grissom. I'm tired. I don't want this anymore." Sara laid her head in her hands.

Grissom felt a sudden urge to wrap his arms around her. To comfort her and protect her from the things that had hurt her. But he was the one that did all this to her.

"Please come for coffee Sara."

"If you have anything to say. Say it here. I don't care what anybody thinks anymore."

Grissom sighed. He wanted to keep his personal life personal, but he also wanted to tell Sara he wanted to be there for her and for their baby. The latter won, people would find out anyway.

He placed a chair opposite hers and he put his hands on the table.

"Okay... Here's the thing... I know I've hurt you so bad and I am so sorry."

Sara stared at her tea cup.

"I know I can't take back the things I said and did." Grissom continued.

"But I want you to know that I realise what a jerk I have been. The tought of commitment scares me. Not only commitment to you, but also to a child. The lasting kind of commitment. I never thought about having children and I just assumed neither had you. To me at the time abortion was the obvious thing to do."

Sara stared at him, her glare a mix of anger and sadness.

"I have thought about this baby a lot over the past few weeks and I have decided that although a relationship between us will probably not work out, I want to be here for this child."

"You're too late." Sara responded.

"Please don't say that. I know what I said earlier, but I will love this kid so much. I want to see him or her grow up, I want to play baseball in the park..."

"Baseball?" She asked.

"Yes! I want to go for long walks by the lake and excursions into the desert. I want to teach this baby everything I know."

"It's not going to happen Gil."

He stared at her in disbelief.

"Why not? I mean, Sara I know that you're so angry and you have every right to be. But please let me be a part of his life!"

"You can't." Sara's voice shivered.

"I think I can."

"No."

Sara stood up.

"There's not going to be a baby. I miscarried."

* * *

Sorry, more angst! But look at it this way. There's no way but up from here! Lynn 


	12. Hurt

A/N: A quick update as requested. I can't promise to continue doing this however. Lots to do around here! Enjoy! YTDAW's: Search for the hint ;-)

* * *

Sara got out of the breakroom as fast as she could. She had known she would have to tell Grissom about the miscarriage at some point, but she couldn't have guessed it had been this soon. It still was so fresh in her mind. She woke up one morning with cramps and she had known immediately there was something terribly wrong. 

At that point she wanted more than anything to call Grissom. She needed him to comfort her, to cry with her, to hug her, to kiss her, to tell her it was not her fault and that anything was going to be okay.

Surely when she thought about it objectively she knew that she only miscarried because something had been wrong with the baby. But she didn't feel it that way. Maybe if she hadn't taken that glass of wine, or that cigarette, if she hadn't gone for a long run or work double shifts... Maybe that baby would have survived.

She fought the urge to tell Grissom for two weeks. She was still so angry with him for suggesting abortion. Now he had gotten what he wanted. There would be no baby. She didn't dare tell him while the wounds were fresh. She knew she wouldn't be able to stand the look of relief in his eyes when she'd tell him he wouldn't be a daddy after all.

_Get real Sidle, this is Grissom. He might be an insensitive jerk when it came to conversations, he might have said some things and he might have made some suggestions that you won't forget in a long time, but Grissom would never be happy about something like this. Grissom is not the kind of person to enjoy another's grief._

They had shared passionate moments. He had acted a way she hadn't dared to imagine possible. He was generous and kind, he wanted to know about her past. His 'How are you?'s were sincere and not just a matter of speach.

But still she couldn't overcome the hurt and reject she had felt when he found her in the music store. She could have come to peace with the fact that he had rejected their child at first, as some sort of defense mechanism. To be very honest she had even thought about the possibility herself for one split second. The fact however, that after a little while he still felt that he couldn't handle a child made her more than sad. His telling her he wanted to be there for the child just now, after four weeks of reconsidering didn't change that.

But as she had told him, it didn't matter anymore. She was no longer pregnant and probably wouldn't be for a very long time. Maybe not ever.

The thought made her sad. Being pregnant had been more special to her than she had ever thought possible. The idea of something growing inside of her -or not, as it turned out- had overwhelmed her and she couldn't stop thinking about it. Now she couldn't stop thinking about the fact that there was nothing growing inside her.

She lowered herself on a bench in front of the lab building. The sun was starting to rise in the east and it cast a golden shine on everything around. The heat was already obvious. It was going to be a hot day.

Realising she had the next night off she decided to enjoy the heat for once instead of fighting it, searching for cool in her room, unsuccesfully obviously. She needed some pampering.

_Since when have you become a softy Sidle? Just go back to your apartment, turn on every fan you can find and enjoy a nice copy of Nicholas Evans while sitting in your window._

She decided to do exactly that.

Lingering on the bench for just a couple more minutes Sara closed her eyes and let the rays of the morning sun tickle her face. She'd have to start paying attention to the small things in life. She'd have to find joy again, now that she wouldn't be able to find it in her work for a while.

Sara tensed as a shadow cast over her. She was not prepared for another encounter with Grissom. She needed time, if only a few hours. He needed time to get used to the fact that there was no bond between them now. No need to play nice anymore. No need to treat her any different than he had for years, any different than other CSI's.

She slowly opened her eyes and squinted through her lashes.

"I thought you were sleeping." A familiar voice said.

"I hardly ever do." Sara answered.

"As if I don't know that!"

Sara was already tired of the conversation.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Sure..." Sara answered politely. "I'm going in a minute though..."

"That's okay."

Her company sat down.

"Woah... What's that smell? It smells... Hammish..." Sara cried out, fighting the urge to pinch her nose.

"It's spam."

"Oh... You know... I used to not be able to remember that name!" Sara told.

"I knew it was something with 'sp' and it sounded like something but it wasn't... I used to call it 'spork'."

"Really?" Sofia grinned. "Well, that's not too weird you know... After all... Ham is made of pork."

"Exactly!" Sara nodded.

The scent of spam had nauseated her, as did the company and she couldn't wait to get out of there.

"Sorry if I seem rude, but I have an appointment so I really have to get going."

"Sure!" Sofia smiled.

Sara stood up.

"I'm free tonight, so I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Borro!" Sofia produced with her mouth full.

Sara turned and left for her car.

* * *

Feeling better already? I know I do! Please review. Need your opinions! 


	13. Fertile Valleys

The fans did their work and Sara had managed to reduce the temperature in her apartment to a level she could stand. She sat on the window-sill staring out over Las Vegas. She had a book lying in her lap, but she hadn't read a page in over half an hour. 

The air was shaking with the heat of a summer's day and it seemed like the streets were paved with mirrors reflecting the cars that were driving through them.

She longed for the cold winters at Harvard, or at least the water she had in Tamales Bay. Something to escape the excruciating heat of the city they called Las Vegas; 'The Fertile Valleys'.

Fertile. Something she didn't want to think about at this moment. Grissom, their baby, the loss, the pain. She missed both of them. Although she was still mad at Grissom she could understand what moved him, which made it all so hard.

She wanted to get out of the city, if only for a week. She needed a diversion, something different than here. She wanted Grissom to be with her.

A faint knock on the door caught her attention. She got up, put her book away and went to open it. There was nobody there. She looked at the floor, maybe there had been some sort of delivery. There was nothing there either.

_Great Sar! Now you start imagining things because you want to see him._

She closed the door and stared at the phone. Could she? Should she?

She decided she would. She picked up the phone and dialed Grissom's cellphone number.

"Grissom."

"Hey. It's Sara."

"Hi..."

"I want to go away."

"What?" Grissom sounded shocked.

"I want to leave."

"Sara, don't do this! I'm coming over!"

"I won't let you in. I only want to go for a week or so. I need to get away from here. Away from the pain." _Away from you_.

"I'm coming over anyway. Wheter or not you'll let me in, I'll be there in twenty minutes."

Sara sighed.

"Be right there." Grissom hung up.

Sara wandered through her apartment restlessly. She didn't find the peace to sit down again, knowing that she would see the man she loved -_in spite of everything_- in a few minutes once again.

Hurt had fed her anger but studying the situation from a distant point of view she realised being mad wouldn't change what happened.

This time the knock on the door was real and despite the fact that Sara told Grissom she wouldn't let him in she couldn't help walking to the door and opening it for him.

"Don't go!" Was the first thing he said.

"Hello to you." Sara replied grimly.

"Stay."

"It's just for a week Grissom."

"Can I come in?"

"I don't think that is a very good idea."

"Please, Sara, we need to talk."

She sighed, but let him in nevertheless.

Grissom sat down on her couch without taking his eyes off her.

"I want to know." He said softly. "I can only imagine the pain, both emotional and physical you went through. I want to know."

"It's in the past, I don't want to talk about it."

"Although the pain is in the past, one wonders why it seems to last."

"What... Shakespeare?"

"Gil Grissom." He answered shortly. "I want to know Sara. Please tell me what you went through. I am so sorry I wasn't there for you to ease the pain."

"Nothing could've made this right."

"I know honey."

Sara looked at the sincerely worried look in his eyes and lowered herself on the coffee table opposite him.

"Okay. I'll tell you." She looked down at her hands.

"I woke up one morning -maybe a week after you found me in the music store- and I felt terrible. I had a major headache and I had cramps like I'd never felt them before. I knew something was wrong."

Sara took a deep breath.

"I called my OBGYN because I would have an appointment with her two days later. She told me what I already feared; that I was probably miscarrying. I could go to the hospital or just stay at home and wait."

Her voice was so soft Grissom could barely make out the words. He reached for her hand.

"I suddenly lost a lot of blood and I went to the bathroom and just sat there. For hours I think. And I held it, you know. It was so small -only an inch or so- and it looked so bizarre. And then I did something I know I shouldn't have. Please don't be mad at me."

"I couldn't." Grissom said. "What did you do?"

"I took a little bit of tissue from the placenta and I ran it through DNA..." She admitted.

Grissom's eyes widened. "You know you aren't supposed to do that." He said with a hint of surprise.

Sara glared at him.

"I needed to know what it would have been. I just... I needed to."

Grissom squeezed her hand. "Would you tell me?"

"It was a girl." Sara's voice broke. "We would have gotten a girl."

She broke down in tears and Grissom -who felt them prickle behind his eyes as well- pulled her next to him. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and together they cried over the loss of their baby girl.

After what seemed like hours they broke apart.

"I burried her." Sara sobbed. "I needed to... She deserved to be returned to nature."

"Have you named her?" Grissom asked quietly.

Sara looked at him. "No, I never thought about..."

"Will you name her with me?"

"Yes... That would be nice." Sara agreed.

"She needs to get a name worthy of her. Something that tells who and how she was."

Sara swallowed. She turned her head towards the window and nodded, painfully aware of Grissom's hands still holding hers.

"How about Eve?" She said softly.

"Eve..." The name escaped Grissom like a breeze. "I think that's beautiful sweety... Eve..."

"Eve means 'to live' -she will always live in my heart- and Eve was the first woman and our first child."

Sara blushed as she realized what she was saying.

"She _was_ our first." Grissom agreed, understanding very well why Sara had suddenly turned red.

Sara looked up at him.

"I don't know if I can... Do this. It's too soon. You hurt me."

"I know honey and I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you in this way. I have always been a bit scared of 'us'. Sleeping with you was a big step forward for me in a way."

Grissom's eyes darted back and forward.

"And then... I don't know what happened. I guess it all became too real for me and I suddenly realised you had come closer than anyone ever had. I distanced myself for a while to get used to the idea and then you turned out to be pregnant. I was just so confused."

He looked Sara in the eyes, softly rubbing her knuckles with his thumbs.

"I'd never have wanted for you to get an abortion. I wanted this baby to be born. It's just that the thought of becoming a father had never crossed my mind and I just assumed you wouldn't want a child either, seeing that we're consumed with our work. It took me too long to realise what a jerk I was and now it's too late."

A single tear rolled down his right cheek. Sara followed its path with her eyes. She watched it slowly descending the slopes of his face, coming to a daring rest at the edge of his jaw. She couldn't help but wipe it away.

The chemistry was still there -her body could tell her that much should she ever wonder- but the craving couldn't ever make her forget the pain this man had caused her.

He looked up at her at the soft touch of her fingers and he saw the conflict in her eyes.

"I don't expect you to and I don't want you to." He said softly.

"Oh." She said, her voice now mingled with disappointment and relief.

"No, don't get me wrong. I do want you to but not now."

"Deja vu." She stated with a sad smile.

"Perhaps." He agreed. "Only this time I won't screw up."

* * *

Let me know if you want me to continue or you want the story to end this way. I was planning on continuing to be honest, but as I was writing the last part of this chapter I suddenly felt this ending would suffice as well. Tell me in reviews! Lynn 


	14. Leaving Las Vegas

A/N: Finally an update! Sorry to have kept you all waiting, but I wanted to write this well. I'd expect you to want for me to write more long chapters, like 13. I'll try. And YES... This indicates that I will continue this story as requested. I am very cautious however not to JTS (That's Jump The Shark). Lynn (Keep R&R'ing, because I won't continue without them. Yes, that is a threat ;-)) I'm looking for good beta's by the way. Please E-mail me if you think you're suitable, I won't bite :-P

* * *

Sara paced back and forth between her bedroom and the bathroom, tossing things in a bag as she went; brush, tooth paste, face cream, essential oils.

The loud knock on the door caught her off-guard. She tossed the bag in her suit-case and opened the door, turning back to her task as soon as the door swung open.

"You don't look ready yet."

"And whose fault is that?" she snapped.

"You're not blaming me!"

"I don't even know where we're going, which means I have no idea what to pack, which means I've been running around in some frantic attempt to pack anything I might need! I may not look it, but I _am_ a girl you know!"

"I've never doubted that!" he smiled, "Say Sara. You don't happen to have a bad case of travel nerves don't you?"

"I _don't_," she yelled from her bedroom, "it's _you _that's making me nervous!"

Grissom chuckled. Sara always seemed the prototype of calm to him, except for cases that dealt with abuse. That was a different kind of restlessness. A deep anger boiling inside her. The injustice, the indifference, they could set Sara off like a spark.

But this restlessness was fun to watch. It didn't hurt him to the core of his being to see her like this. In fact, it was quite amusing to watch.

"I'm thinking it's a good thing I made you promise not to use office resources to find out where we're going."

"Bite me!" Sara shouted from the bedroom.

Grissom smiled.

A few minutes later Sara emerged from the bedroom clutching a suitcase big enough to fit the two of them inside.

"Done!" She grinned.

"If your closet had a handle you would've taken that with you too, wouldn't you?"

"Possibly."

Grissom took the immense suitcase from Sara, while checking to see if it wouldn't exceed the weight limit.

"Okay we're good to go!" he said.

Sara closed the door to her apartment and followed him outside. "Now will you tell me where we're going?"

"You're a smart woman, you'll figure it out."

Inwardly laughing at Sara for being so curious Grissom opened the car door for her and helped her inside.

"I feel like I'd have to blindfold you now, but I wouldn't do that to you."

"You're a wise man, Gil Grissom."

They drove to McCarran International airport -"Airport? We have to fly?"- and parked the car in the long-term parking area. Sara was practically bouncing of the walls out of curiosity. Grissom had never seen her like this and he would have expected it to make him feel old. In stead, the energetic cheerfullness was quite contagious and it made him feel younger than he could recall ever feeling. With their hands entwined they followed the signs marked 'departures'. Although they were still in Vegas, a place where they had agreed to keep their relationship a secret, they felt confident and free enough to show minor signs of affection.

"You wait here, while I check in," Grissom said.

"No! You can't DO this to me! I want to know where we're going!"

Sara looked at Grissom with pleading eyes. She reminded him of a puppy dog, waiting for that small piece of cheese dangling in front of him. Head tilted, focussed on the task at hand: Persuasion.

"You'll find out soon enough," he said while turning to find the check-in counter of AA.

For a minute Sara fought the thought of following him to see where they were headed, but she decided she would wait for him to surprise her. She amused herself by watching people, counting the number of women with larger suitcases than her. All of them knew where they were headed. No doubt about that.

Grissom returned sooner than she had expected. "One of the many benefits of self-service check-in," he explained.

"_Now_ will you tell me where we're going?" Sara restrained herself from jumping up and down.

"We have a transfer in Chicago and from there on who knows?"

"You do!"

"Okay... I've got three letters for you: C, D, G."

Sara stared blankly at him. "CDG, CDG..."

Grissom smirked, amused by the fact that it took her so long to figure out the clues. "You call yourself a CSI?" he teased.

Suddenly Sara's eyes widened. "No! You're kidding right? CDG? Charles de Gaule? We're going to _Paris?_" she shouted.

"La douce France," he winked.

She was in his arms before he could say 'baguette'.

"Oh my God I love Paris! I've always wanted to go there!"

Grissom's cheeks flushed. "I know, that's why I chose it."

No longer able to keep herself together Sara gave him a slow, passionate kiss.

"Let's go," she whispered in his ear.

They went through customs and spent an hour shopping. After spending almost three quarters of the hour at 'Borders', a book store which had books stacked up to the ceiling and which got Grissom to walk around with his mouth slightly ajar they hurried to buy a new watch for Grissom at 'Fossils' and Sara picked a large variety of chunk-food at 'Las Vegas Fruits and Nuts'.

"I'm nuts," she joked.

"As if I don't know that."

"There's a 'Mr. Boxer' over there!" Sara pointed.

"No."

"Yes, there is!" she smiled.

"I know there is, but we're not going in there!"

Sara smirked. "So easy to get you uncomfortable."

Sara couldn't help herself from walking into the nearest Crabtree and Evelyn for some last minute lotion shopping. Although people ordinarily took her for a not-so-feminine girl, she loved to pamper herself with a hot bath, scrubs and facials. She just didn't have time.

After Grissom had kept Sara from buying everything in the shop they proceeded to the gate -lade with books, apricots and walnuts- and waited for their boarding time.

"I bought you a little present," Grissom confessed.

He opened his back and took out a flat package which Sara eagerly ripped open.

"A tourist's guide to Paris!" Sara smiled.

"A little something to read on the flight."

"Apart from the stacks of books and magazines we just bought half an hour ago?"

"How could I know you'd be a magazinaholic?"

"You couldn't, I keep it secret," she winked.

"I feel honored to share in your secret."

He planted a soft kiss on her lips.

"I think that's our boarding call," Sara whispered when they came up for air.

"Are you ready?"

With his hand on the small of Sara's back, Grissom guided her towards the airplane.


	15. Notsofrequent flyers

A/N: I know this is a short chapter, so I'll apologize in advance. It just seemed right to me to end it (the chapter, not the story, you can put that hay fork down. HEY! Put the torch away will ya?) here. There will be more, of course. Thanks to Cybrokat, Laura and Sammie for the beta! Enjoy! And don't forget to R&R... I keep this going for YOU, you know! Lynn

* * *

"Ladies and gentleman, this is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard flight 676 to Chicago. My name is Brent Johnson and next to me sits your co-pilot Frank Kensington. We're waiting for runway clearance and then we'll soon be on our way towards O'Hare International Airport. Flight-time will be approximately four hours and forty-five minutes.

"The weather is clear in Chicago, with temperatures around eighty degrees Fahrenheit. On behalf of the crew, I wish you a comfortable flight."

Sara sighed, "They never change it, I can almost dream it by now and I don't even fly that often."

Grissom's eyes twinkled, knowing very well that this was just Sara's way of coping with the anxiety of traveling.

"You should wait until they start with the safety speech," Grissom winked, "besides, what could they change?"

"Well, they could start off with a joke and not sound so depressed."

"And you would feel more comfortable with a less serious pilot? Nice to know."

Sara glared at Grissom, knowing he had a point. She still couldn't get over the fact that they were going to Paris, the city of lights, the city of romance, the city of... well, pretty much everything.

When the stewardesses started to show how to use a life vest, where to find the exit and what to do -or not to do- with luggage, Sara had to admit that it had in fact not changed, not even a syllable, from the previous 'version'.

She leaned her head comfortably against Grissom's shoulder, whom in turn, laid his arm around her shoulders.

"This is nice," she whispered.

The flight to Chicago was a smooth one and they landed exactly at the estimated arrival time, which gave them one and a half hours until their next boarding time. They walked around the airport definitely more bored than the first time.

"These places all look alike," Grissom commented.

"Still, I'm having a pretty good time."

The fact that they were no longer in Vegas caused them to become slightly more intimate towards each other. They exchanged loving glances, touches. They were holding hands and they even shared a kiss now and then.

"I can't wait to get to Paris," Grissom whispered in Sara's ear, "there is absolutely no one there who knows us. I can finally treat you the way I should have treated you the last few years without anybody telling me it's not appropriate."

"That's good because I have more than one inappropriate thing in mind Gris," Sara winked.

"What happened to taking it slowly?" he asked softly.

"You are taking me to Paris and you expect me to still take it slowly?" She kissed his lips. "I know I said I needed time. I guess I've taken that time. Don't expect any promiscuous behavior from me on our way there though. I know I told you once that I was a member of the mile high club, but I think that is all behind me now."

Grissom laughed at her comment.

"I don't expect you to do anything you don't want to honey. You take the lead in this and I'll follow."

"Thanks." She kissed him softly and inhaled his scent. "God I've missed the smell of you."

"What smell?"

"The cologne, the sheer masculinity."

Grissom wrapped his arms tightly around her. "I've missed you... Everything about you."

Boarding started and Grissom and Sara made their way to the plane.

"Say goodbye to the US honey, because you won't get to see it for at least a week," Grissom joked.

They took their places on the left-hand side of the aircraft. Sara at the window and Grissom at the aisle. During taxiing Grissom explained why they would first fly north, then east, and then south in stead of flying directly to Paris.

"That way, in case of an emergency, there is always an airport in close by. We have to be able to land within thirty minutes. That's why we fly over Greenland and Iceland."

Sara, who already knew that but loved to hear Grissom talk, took in his every word while studying his face.

_He looks sincerely happy to be here with me. I haven't seen this side of him yet. Not even that night we shared. I guess there was love there, but it was mainly about five years of built-up tension finally finding a release, about lust. This is different._

Grissom's eyes lit up when he spoke passionately about airplanes and Paris. Sara decided it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She could look in those eyes forever and she would if she was given the chance.

The jolt in her stomach told her the plane was taking off and she turned towards the window. Grissom held her hand as they watched Chicago grow smaller and smaller beneath them. It felt like a miracle to her that such a large and heavy thing could just lift off like it was no heavier than a feather.

Of course, as a physics major she knew there was a very logical explanation to all of it, but as a person, it kept her wondering.

She felt her eyes go heavy as she reclined in her chair.

_Paris... He's taking me to Paris..._


	16. Roller Coasters and Reprimands

A/N: Thanks to my beta's, who have been a very good help to this particular chapter: Laura, Sammie, Rianne thanks! I hope you like this chapter. I would like to think of it as one of my best. Don't mind me using French, I didn't pass my exams last year and I just had to show that I CAN! Please review, they keep me happy! Enjoy! Lynn

* * *

"When you mentioned Paris I thought: Arc de Triomphe, Louvre, Eiffel Tower... Not Big Thunder Mountain Railroad and Space Mountain roller coasters!" Sara shouted while being thrown upside down in the winding loops and twists of the latter.

Grissom grinned with a twinkle in his eye.

"Some people would call a Disney theme park romantic," he said, when they rolled back to the platform.

"It is! Kind of, anyway. Just not what I had expected. _**At all**_!"

Grissom helped her out of her seat and towards the exit.

"You don't honestly believe I would spend a whole week here do you?" he laughed, "I just wanted to throw you off a bit. Of course there'll be visits to the Louvre and to other museums and we will most definitely share at least one meal in a small, romantic restaurant with a view of the Eiffel Tower by night."

Sara turned to him and whispered, "I'd like that."

She looked vulnerable in that moment. Grissom had never seen her like that. He wondered if there had been something he said to make her get a feeling of insecurity, but he couldn't think of anything.

"Are you okay?" he asked worriedly.

"I'm fine, it's just..." she paused for a moment, "I'm not used to you being like this, so sweet, so attentive. It takes some time for me to adjust."

Grissom wrapped her in his arms and kissed her ever so softly. "I want you to get used to this," he mumbled against her soft lips.

Sara opened her mouth slightly and allowed his tongue to enter. They stood there for what looked like ages. Sinking deeper and deeper into the kiss, feeling more and more comfortable with each other.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!"

Sara and Grissom broke apart quickly. A girl around the age of ten was pointing up at them with large blue eyes.

"Papa! Cette monsieur embrassait cette madame! Je l'ai vu! J'ai vu leurs langues! Il était brut!"

Although Sara didn't speak French her cheeks turned a delicate shade of pink.

"We're so sorry," she mumbled at the man who was scowling in her direction, clutching his obviously upset daughter.

"Vous avez dérangé ma petite fille!" the man said while shooting Grissom an angry glare.

"Nous sommes très désolé," Grissom replied in French, "Est-ce que je peux vous offrir quelque chose a boire?"

"Ce n'est pas nécessaire," the man answered with a small smile, "Merci pour l'offre."

Grissom nodded and turned around to walk away with Sara.

"You speak French?" she gasped, "What did he say? What did you say?"

Grissom smiled. "I do speak French. He said we have upset his daughter, I offered my apologies and something to drink, he declined the drink but accepted the apologies."

"I can't believe you speak French!" Sara had a big smile plastered on her face. "That is _**so**_ romantic!"

"It's only romantic when I talk to you and you understand what I'm saying," Grissom replied cryptically.

They spent the rest of the day trying to get as much pictures taken with various Disney-creatures, Mickey of course being their all time favorite.

"You know, when I was a kid I loved Alice in Wonderland," Sara said while spinning around in a giant tea cup. "I didn't know what Lewis Carroll meant by it though, you know, about a girl maturing? I just loved the story and I spent my days taking bites out of cookies hoping to get taller."

"I guess that worked then," Grissom winked while taking in her long legs.

When darkness fell they enjoyed themselves watching the parade, deciding that a theme park in fact was very romantic, if you waited for the right moment.

They took the subway back to their hotel which was located in the city. Upon arrival they had merely left their luggage at the check-in because it was too early to enter their room. Now their suitcases had been brought upstairs and all they had to do was get the key from the reception desk.

Their room wasn't very large, though large enough for the two of them. Two queen size beds were positioned against the wall opposite the door. Flowery bed spreads covered the pearly-white blankets.

The second door in the room lead to the very small bathroom, which contained a counter with two sinks, a toilet, a shower and a towel rack.

"Cosy," Sara stated.

"As you can see I asked for two separate beds. I don't want you to feel you have to do anything you're not ready for."

"Thanks," she whispered while advancing on him. The door closed, she pulled him into a deep kiss.

"Should we go to sleep?" Grissom asked when they broke apart. "We'll have to walk a lot tomorrow you know?"

Grissom used their bathroom first, emerging with a white towel around his neck and wearing only pyjama bottoms.

"Are you trying to persuade me Dr. Grissom?" Sara asked in a most seductive voice.

"I always wear this to bed!" Grissom replied a bit confused.

"Tempting."

Sara went into the bathroom and quickly brushed her teeth and changed into marine sweatpants and a grey tank top.

"Don't look too scrappy yourself," Grissom commented when she walked out of the bathroom and towards her bed. She leaned towards him and gave him a soft and teasing kiss before getting under her covers.

"Goodnight Gris," she whispered while turning off the lights.

"Goodnight Sar."

When Sara opened her eyes the following morning, squinting against the bright light that spilled through the gap between the curtains, she noticed that Grissom's bed was empty. It had been carefully made, almost as though it hadn't been slept in.

"Gris?" she said while leaning one hand on the floor and hanging off one side of the bed, trying to peer into the bathroom.

"Grissom! Are you in there?"

There was no response.

Sara clumsily climbed out of bed and slowly pushed the bathroom door open. Grissom wasn't there. She heard the hallway door open and stuck her head around the doorframe. She saw Grissom closing the door very quietly before turning around and finding her bed empty. His eyes searched for her and finally he noticed her looking at him.

"You should have still been sleeping," he said in an accusatory tone of voice, "I got you breakfast."

A smile broke on Sara's face as she quickly hopped back into the bed and -without saying another word- closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep.

Grissom smiled. He had never seen her this happy. It suited her well.

He quietly walked over to the bed and gave her a soft kiss.

"Sara, wake up," he whispered while stroking the hair out of her face.

She slowly opened her eyes, stifled a yawn and smiled at Grissom.

"Good morning."

Grissom grinned broadly. "You're good! Ever thought about pursuing a career in acting?"

Sara sat upright and eyed him curiously. "You said something about breakfast I believe?"

"I brought you croissants," he said, "but you should get out of bed, because they crumble a lot and you won't be able to sleep tonight.

"Who said I'd be sleeping in this bed tonight?" Sara replied innocently while grabbing the bag and taking a bite of her croissant, letting the crumbles fall freely between her sheets.

"Oops! I guess I don't even have a choice now!"


	17. Making Love and Other Things

A/N: I'm moving tomorrow and things aren't going very well internet-wise, so I may not be able to update for two weeks or so. I'm sorry for the inconvenience but I guess I can't do anything about it. This next chapter will hopefully leave you fuzzy. I have to warn though: not for the lil' kiddies! I rate it PG-13 because of... Okay so you'll have to find out for yourself, otherwise it's not that much fun. It's something grown ups hope to do a lot, and kids shouldn't do at all ;-) Leaves you warm, I hope. My first time writing this, so I appreciate reviews. Don't come down to hard on me though! Love, Lynn (Who does this stuff all the time and has a daughter to prove it ;-))

* * *

They had spent the day strolling through the streets of Paris. They had walked all the way down the Champs-Elysées and admired the Arc de Triomphe and it's grave of the un-known soldier. They had then taken the subway to Trocadéro station and walked to the Eiffel tower. The view had been beautiful as it was a clear day. 

After dinner in a small restaurant where Sara had had a large piece of tarte au pomme they walked back to the hotel.

"I love Paris," Sara had sighed happily.

'I love you,' Grissom thought.

He led her up to their room and opened the door for her.

Sara closed the door as soon as Grissom was inside. Pinning him against it while seductively looking him in the eye.

"You know what I want?" she whispered while softly touching the tip of his nose with hers.

He felt her breathing against his lips. Her sweet smell filled his nostrils; apple and cinnamon. He delicately ran his tongue over her bottom lip tasting the sugary flavor. It slowly but steadily drove him insane.

Sara caught his tongue with hers, sucking it gently into her mouth in a very slow but very arousing game.

She had waited for years to do it right; taking all the time in the world. She broke the kiss and looked him in the eye. What she saw there exceeded her expectations. It was neither regret that his eyes revealed, nor fear, nor lust. There was only love of the deepest kind, the lasting kind.

She felt his hands in her hair and the warmth of his body through her clothes. She knew it was time. She knew she could take the next step without any regrets. Sharing her body with him was all she wanted.

She shot him a meaningful glance and took a step back. Gil let his arms glide from her shoulders and she took him by his hand.

"Come with me," she whispered.

Gil nodded and followed her to the bed. The way she moved made him want to kiss her slender neck and wrap his arms around her. He wanted to taste her flesh, feel her pulse, smell her scent. He hadn't thought he was the addictive kind but here he was, pining for her love.

Sara slowly turned around and looked at him with a seductive glance.

"Sit down," she said softly.

Gil obeyed, neither able to resist nor able to take his eyes of her body. Her long legs, her round hips, her breasts, her incredibly soft lips. He hadn't even noticed all of that before. Surely he had in general passing, but not in their making love all those months ago.

Did that even qualify as love? To him it seemed like it had been the mutual response to their attraction. Lust had been the primary emotion. This time it was different. This time he would show her how much he appreciated her, how much he cared for her, how much he wanted her for who she was, how much he loved her.

He pulled her onto his lap, slowly making a trail of kisses from her hands to her shoulders. He softly sunk his teeth in her neck sending shivers down her spine.

"Hmm that feels... Good," she whispered while slowly unbuttoning his shirt.

Gil kicked of his shoes and socks. He ran his hands up and down her back and slid his hands under her blouse. He felt her skin react as goose bumps adorned the silky smoothness.

Sara felt his hands exploring her sides and back. It felt good to be this close to him again. She felt the tightness in his pants pressing against the inside of her legs. Taking it slowly started to become an effort. She wanted it fast. The teasingly lingering pace in which their lovemaking was moving to a higher level was almost driving her insane.

"Can I take this off?" he asked while softly tugging on her blouse.

Sara nodded. "You don't have to ask me..."

Gil softly kissed her lips while removing her blouse, revealing her bra which was made of a fine green leaf-shaped lace.

'Nature,' he thought.

Sara ran her hands over his broad shoulders. Ever since she saw him come out of the bathroom last night she hadn't been able to stop thinking about them. She delicately stroked his muscles, amazed at the fact that his body was still in such good shape. Slowly she planted kisses in his neck, which then progressed into sucking gently on his collar bone.

She looked up into his eyes when she heard him gasp quietly. He shivered as he looked into hers while she unbuttoned his jeans.

"Are you sure?" he asked hoarsely.

"Very."

He picked her up and lay her down on the bed, after which he rid himself of his pants. Standing there, with only his boxers on, he looked down upon the gorgeous form of Sara Sidle. His Sara.

He took of her skirt noticing her skin was a very light shade of pink. It looked perfect to him and he wished she was this flushed every day.

After slowly taking off his boxers and her underwear he lay down next to her, admiring the view.

"You are so beautiful honey," he whispered, "So beautiful."

He leaned towards her to brush her lips with his while softly stroking her inner thigh.

"Wait," Sara suddenly said, "Did you bring protection?"

Grissom shook his head. "I didn't want to be that prepared."

Kissing him softly, Sara whispered, "If you tell me the French word for condoms I'll get them."

Grissom pulled her body against his.

"I want to make a baby with you."

Sara turned around wide-eyed. "You want to **_WHAT_**!"

Grissom smiled. "I want you to move in with me as soon as we are back in Vegas and I want to have a baby with you."

Sara rolled him on his back and kissed him. "Are you sure?" she asked.

"Very," Grissom replied with a smirk.

Sara kissed his smirk away while climbing on top of him and allowing him entrance.

Grissom grinned. "I'll take that as a 'yes'."

They slowly made love, switching positions every now and then, taking turns being on top. Grissom just couldn't believe they were here, together, trying to conceive, trying to be together forever. He looked down on Sara whom he was nearly pushing over the edge.

"I need you." She moaned. "So bad! I need you."


	18. Shackin' Up

A/N: Wow you guys! I just checked my stats and I'm at 9998 hits! Only two more to go and this fic hits 10000! I'm so grateful for all of you reading my fics! The writing is what's most important to me but it's nice to have your stuff read as well... I'm very sorry for not updating sooner. I was completely and utterly stuck with this one, put time in writing two PWP's (up on AFF by the way), a Yo!Bling story (working on it), co-writing a Catherine/Sara fic with Andromeda and there's another GSR fic coming up soon, called Hunter becomes Hunted. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I'll try to update the next one sooner. Thank you all for being so patient, thanks to **Miss Cam **and **GeekLoveFreak** for the beta. Please R&R and maybe read some of my other fics! Love, Lynn

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Sara lowered herself onto one of the many boxes marked 'books' while carefully taking the glass of champagne from Grissom's extended hand.

"Thanks," she smiled.

The rain was pouring down, which was not very common in Las Vegas, especially this time of year. It reminded her of San Francisco. There, you could walk along on a beautiful afternoon in the fall and suddenly it would start to pour. Umbrellas would appear out of nowhere. Every streetvender seemed to sell them instantly. As soon as the sky cleared, all umbrellas disappeared as fast as they had come and everyone would continue business as usual.

Here in Vegas things were different. People weren't prepared for rainfall and they would frequently be caught off-guard. But not Sara, she could smell the rain coming from miles away.

"I'm glad we're inside," Grissom said as he studied the patterns the raindrops made on the window. "I feel too bad for swing."

Sara grimaced, "Don't be too sure the raining stops before our shift starts."

Grissom unconsiously stroked Sara's lower arm. Here he was, with the love of his life, sitting in a house that they had bought together. He had kept the promise he had made during their love-making in Paris. As soon as their feet had touched U.S. territory they had gone house hunting.

After two weeks and seven houses they had both fallen in love with number eight. It had an enormous back yard with a round swimming pool, a fireplace and a beautiful porch. Another perk was that it wasn't too far from the lab, but far enough from the neon lights of the Tangiers and the Bellagio.

Sara looked at him and smiled. He seemed happier than she had ever witnessed him. She had been amazed at the fact that he had been willing to sell his townhouse. He had even been the one to propose buying a house together.

_"My house holds too many bad memories," he said, "Sure, it was the place we first slept together, but I don't think that was a very good point in our lives. I wasn't ready and I only caused you pain and trouble."_

_Sara stroked his cheek. "Listen, Grissom. If we hadn't slept together back then we wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have gotten pregnant and turned both of our lives upside down, you wouldn't have come around, I would have had nothing to forgive you for and you wouldn't have had to make things up to me by taking me to Paris."_

_Grissom pulled her closer, taking in every little detail with every one of his senses; the softness of her skin, the taste of her lips, her scent, her hair that was spread out on his upper arm and pillow. He ran his hand over her belly._

_"I hope we made a new baby just now," he whispered in her ear._

_"I hope we didn't," Sara admitted._

_She felt Grissom's body tense so she turned around._

_"Because I want to practice making one with you over and over and over and over"_

She hadn't become pregnant on the first try, which had given them time to adjust to their new relationship. They were two science-geeks who had lived in solitude all of their adult lives, so it would be hard to get used to sharing living space. Even though this was new to both of them, it had immediately felt right.

"I love you," Grissom said softly, ripping her out of her remeniscing.

He reached for her hand to retrieve the -now empty- glass she was holding and set it down on the ground.

"I know. You showed me last week when Ecklie found out we were moving in together by the fact that you were willing to put your job on the line to save mine. I couldn't help but think otherwise. I love you too."

Grissom blushed slightly. He had told Ecklie that if Sara was fired over this, he would be gone faster than Ecklie could say 'Lab Director'. Ecklie had made it clear on more than one occasion that he couldn't affort losing Grissom as a CSI, so he had to concede.

Sara stood up and extended her hand.

"I'm glad we have at least made the bed," she said.

Tired of unpacking boxes, Grissom didn't have to think twice about following her to the bedroom.

"No love-making this afternoon," he smiled, "just sleep."

They undressed in silence and got under the sheets, huddling close together. For the first time since they moved in, they listened as the rain fell on the roof -their roof.

Sara marveled about the fact that her body seemed to fit exactly in to Grissom's when they were spooning.

Grissom. She still called him Grissom. She had for the last fifteen years, so why change it now? She wanted to change it, should they ever be lucky enough as to have children who carried his last name. Or if she should be as lucky to marry him and carry his last name herself.

Marrying Grissom. The idea seemed somehow off to her. She wanted to -God knows she wanted to- but this moving in together thing... She'd have to start out with that.

When shift started a couple of hours later, the rain had kept on pouring, so a DB in the desert wasn't their favorite place to hang out. But it was all part of the job and neither of them would complain as long as they could be out there catching bad guys.

The rain had turned the desert into a mud pool and would Greg have been here, Sara was sure he'd definately have tried to get her to pick a fight with the female officer.

It took them only half an hour to gather all the 'evidence' they could find and by the time they walked back to Sara's Denali, both of them were covered in sand . Fortunately the rain had finally stopped falling.

Sara started to take off her clothes as soon as she reached the cover provided by her car.

"Sara?"Grissom said, his eyes widening, "what are you doing? We're at work!"

"Unless you want me to get pissed at you for ruining my car interior I suggest you do the same."

She had stripped down to her underwear and was now rummaging through a bag in the back seat, searching for fresh clothes.

"I didn't bring any clean clothes!"

"That's your problem now isn't it?" Sara answered while putting on a clean top and pants. She leaned back against her car.

"Shed it or regret it, Gris!"

Grissom scowled at her, but started to unbutton his shirt nonetheless.

Sara enjoyed his striptease with a smirk. "Should I turn the radio on to give you a rhythm to work with?"

"Don't you dare!"

Sara's booming laugh drifted through the air but she didn't care. Everyone had heard about their relationship by now -courtesy of the grapevine- so people were wise enough not to disturb the two lovebirds with whatever it was they were doing.

Grissom had now stripped down to his boxers and stood before Sara with a hint of embarrassment.

"Very good honey!" Sara grinned, "now give me a kiss."

Grissom grumbled, but followed her command.

"Thank you... Here..." She grabbed her bag and handed Gris some clean clothes. "One of the benefits of sharing a home."


	19. Giving Thanks

A/N: I thought I'd remember you guys that Grissom, Sara and the other CSI's are not mine, but Mr. Zuiker's and that I don't want to make any money of off this. Well... I would want to, but it's not by far good enough for that. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Number 20 will be the final chapter, maybe followed by an epilogue. Thanks to **Andromeda** for the read through. You know I love you girl! And thanks to the kind reviewers who make my day.

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Months had passed between them, time healing old wounds, creating comfort, making things better and getting them to get used to one another. 

Their house had turned a home and even though Sara had expected Grissom to retreat somewhat at some point he had not and things were as great as she had ever imagined them to be.

She woke up beside his slowly breathing frame every morning and watched him, his eyes closed, his mouth slightly open. She didn't mind his morning breath like she had minded others, she was just happy he'd let her be here to witness it.

Sara rolled over to her left side and slipped backwards, nestling her cool back against his warm body. A smile curved her lips and a warm breeze of air escaped her lips when she sighed at the mere tranquillity in which they existed for now.

A cool thanksgiving morning and something to give thanks for, for the first time in years. The promise of fake turkey for dinner, in some fancy restaurant he had picked, picked especially for her as he didn't mind her being a vegetarian. The promise of them being there as lovers out in the open as they had been since they moved in together. Something new for the both of them, after years of suppressed emotions, secret love and fear.

She knew staying in bed, tossing and turning would mean waking him up, so she slowly slid out from between the linen sheets and made her way to the bathroom.

Large red fluffy towels hung on the wall on her right hand side and she absent-mindedly caressed them while trying to decide on a bath or a shower. She went with the latter and turned on the tap while carefully avoiding the cold tiles in the shower.

She was glad their home had heated floors. Coldness used to cramp up her calves until she had no other option than to hop around on one leg while relieving and massaging the other. She was also happy for the thermometer in her shower that kept the jet of water at exactly the requested temperature.

She let her body be covered and massaged by the water as it ran over her shoulders, breasts and belly. She ran her hands over her skin and wondered what it would feel like to have the miracle of life growing inside of her, a gift from nature.

She knew she had been feeling somewhat different for the last week or so and God know she and Grissom had been trying. Her body felt different, but she could not quite put a finger on it and morning sickness hadn't been part of the equation either. She decided not to take a test yet. In previous months it had been money spilled as she threw negative after negative in the trash can. It wasn't as if these things were cheap.

After turning down the tap she stepped out of the shower to find Grissom standing in the doorway clad in only boxers which made him fairly irresistible to her. He threw her a towel -which she gratefully accepted- and then stepped closer to her to wrap her in it and dry her off.

It was hours later when he was dressed in a dark grey tux and she wore a green dress that so wonderfully hugged and kissed her curves. A treat for every man's eye, but tonight she was his and she would be for many nights to come.

They were seated at a table in plain sight, much to Grissom's dismay. He wanted her to himself in that moment and he wanted the privacy to do what he had told himself to bravely do.

They held hands and spoke softly while waiting for their soup to arrive, occasionally untangling their fingers to reach for their wine. His red, hers white, a contradiction and yet they complimented each other for neither were they the same, nor all that different.

"This soup is delicious," she mumbled, eyes closed, upon feeling the heavenly hot liquid caress her tongue and throat. Grissom took in her beauty as if it was the first time he saw her, in that moment, all his.

He fidgeted with his spoon, waiting for the right moment and deciding it would be over desert, however cliché.

"Penny for your thoughts," she whispered seductively while gently touching his forearm.

"My thoughts are worth way more than a penny," he answered cryptically, "though I will tell them soon enough."

The courses followed each other magnificently, giving them enough time to talk in between, but not leaving them hungry. Deserts were slowly but steadily nearing and Grissom's heart beat and breath intake were noticeably increasing.

"Are you alright?" she asked and he knew he couldn't wait much longer. He released a sigh of relief when he saw the waitress coming their way with a large bowl of chocolate covered vanilla ice cream.

"Do you happen to have champagne with this?" he asked the petite blonde that had been at their service all night. She nodded slightly before turning around towards the kitchen to get a bottle of the sparkly goods.

Brown eyes looked at him with a curiosity he often longed for.

"What do you give thanks for, Sara?"

"Oh right, it is Thanksgiving after all." She smiled. "I give thanks for you being in my life, for both of us being healthy and happy. What do you give thanks for?"

Grissom looked up at the waitress and accepted the bottle before responding.

"I give thanks for you having faith in me, and forgiving me for the many stupid things I said and did. I give thanks for you sticking by me and living with me." He poured the both of them some champagne. "I would be able to give even more thanks though," he continued with trembling voice and hands, "if you'd do me the honor of accepting this."

He reached in his inside pocket and retrieved a deep green velvet box. Sara gasped at the sight of it then looked at him.

"It's... The same color as my dress!" she stammered.

"Not really the response I was waiting for, but then again, I haven't opened the box yet." Grissom flicked the box open and revealed a small band with two white diamonds and one small emerald in the middle.

"Sara, will you please spend the rest of our lives with me as my wife."

Sara slowly shook her head, "You know you don't have to ask me that! Of course I will!"


	20. Do I Ever?

**A/N:** This is it! The very last chapter of this story. I know some of you might be disappointed, but to be totally honest, I'm glad that it's over. It didn't feel right anymore. I hope you all had a good time reading it. Please check my page regularly for I have **a lot** of stories that I'm working on and they will be uploaded sometime soon. If you don't feel like checking, just put me up on your author alert list and you'll be fine ;-). Okay... I'll shut up, the characters are not mine, though I wish they were. No go enjoy the read!

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He turned around and walked back into their home after bidding her goodbye for the night. She had gone, because apparently she cared a great deal for traditions. There was lack of an elderly home so she had forced Catherine to take her in for the night, Cath not being too happy with the arrangements because having a thirty-five year old 'daughter' made her feel old. She had conceded anyway, albeit grumpy and had now picked his soon-to-be-wife up from his doorstep.

And he was missing Sara already.

Her scent lingered in the living room, in the kitchen. When he cooked and used the spices she so often used when making him a delicious dinner he smelled her and thought of the way she moved between the fridge and the stove, taking out vegetables and chopping them up finely while discussing the day with him. He loved her, more than he had ever dared to love anyone, even her, but somehow she had crept under his skin and resided there.

He sat and ate alone at their breakfast bar, willing the loneliness he had never expected to go away. It was just for one night, one night of lonely at the brink of together forever, for a lifetime. A lifetime. He raised a glass of wine to his lips as he let his thoughts wander to the past, in which he had fallen in love, the present, in which they loved and made love and the future, which would hold many surprises for the two of them, and again, love.

After dinner he settled on the couch with a book, not fully being able to concentrate, but at least trying to. He thought of her and how he never wanted her to be away from him again and how on earth he had been able to resist having her around him for all those years.

Sara meanwhile was enjoying an evening with Cath, who turned out to be a wonderful surrogate mother talking her through the wedding and telling her about married life. Sappy romantic comedies filled the gaps in their conversations and gave the evening an overall feeling of joy and fun. Although she still missed Grissom and thought about him on more than one occasion, Cath did a fine job in keeping her mind of being nervous for the day to come.

At ten Sara was forced to lay down on the couch and have Lindsey give her a facial.

"Watch the bump!" Cath warned.

"It's not like I was planning to sit on it or anything!" Lindsey looked at her mother with an annoyed glance.

"I'm fine Cath, we are thoroughly enjoying the pampering."

She just laid back and relax and let the feel of comfort wash over her. She was glad to be as she were, because she could, because she knew she could, and lay, just there, the two of them connected.

She was on the brink of falling asleep when Cath scooted her off to the queen size bed that was waiting for her in the guest room. She rolled under the blankets and allowed her 'mum' to tuck her in. It felt strange, yet comforting to have someone other than Grissom tend for her. She had never in all her life been tucked in lovingly.

Catherine called Grissom, reaching him just as he was about to turn in, and told him she took good care of his fiancée.

"She's a lucky girl, you know that, Gil."

"Did you have a little to much to drink?"

"I'm serious, but then again, you're lucky too."

Grissom smiled at the thought of Sara and nodded slightly. "Yeah. I know that much."

After agreeing to get a good night's sleep and telling Cath to take care of his girl for him he got into bed and slept, surprisingly well.

Sunbeams caressing her face awoke Sara at ten, which surprised her mildly because she normally wasn't one to get up any later than 8 sharp. A light rap on the door was immediately followed by Cath walking in.

"Good morning sleeping beauty."

"Hey," Sara said sleepily.

"Ready for your big day?"

Sara nodded.

"Bit nervous though. Oh by the way, is this bed for sale?"

"The two of you won't fit in unless you lie on top of each other and there's an image I do not want to see."

Sara grinned at the thought of Grissom on top of her, then got out of bed.

In the shower she thought of a plan to force Catherine to trade houses with her and Grissom, it was that good.

Droplets of water clung to her fair skin when she blow dried her hair straight. Catherine had promised to put her hair up in a French Twist, Grissom loved that.

Grissom loved that he had asked Warrick to pick him up, because for the love of God he could not get his tie to tie right. His hands could not stop shaking and he wondered if this was actually the most nervous he had ever been in his entire life. Probably, yes.

After Warrick had taken care of the tie and escorted Grissom to his SUV they drove to Catherine's house to pick up Sara.

He had even bought her flowers, nothing special, but just right for Sara. Four sunflowers, one for each of them.

She emerged from Catherine's house and she looked so beautiful, radiant, an angel. She had never looked more beautiful to him in all this years he had known her and that said something.

He was not a man of many emotions, he was not a person to shed tears, but right now, when he saw her he felt the moisture in his eyes and he had to blink the tears back, so proud for Sara to have chosen him, out of all the men in the world, after everything.

She climbed in the Denali with him and smiled at Warrick who beamed back at her. And Grissom wrapped his arm around her and she leaned into him, he and she, together, melting, and not because of heat, but because of them.

Although Sara had wanted many traditional things, they had decided to do the ceremony in a chapel. No Elvis, a normal person, but easy, fast and not too large. They had invited only a few people, who needed space?

The wedding march played as they made their way down the aisle, smiling at eachother, not really believing they were there.

Everything just passed like a dream, Grissom didn't notice anything but Sara, beautiful Sara and she would be his wife.

He heard her say those magic words, "I do."

The woman rattled on, words directed at him, but all he could see was Sara, shining, beaming, crying, her wonderful curves standing out in her beautiful dress, just Sara. The woman had stopped speaking and he was sure it was his turn.

**THE END (yes, really)**

He looked in those dark brown eyes and -voice trembling- he said, "I do."


End file.
